the realm where my fantasies and realities collide

Thursday, October 29, 2009

QUOTES FROM UP PROFS

Quotable Quotes from UP Professors!

It started from a note from facebook. It's from VL-i wasn't tagged, though. but i think it'd be fine, i guess. :))

I had so much fun reading it, So i gathered some more from the internet. :) enjoy reading. :D

1. "The aim of policy is to invoke action! Because action speaks louder than words! You do not just say I love you. You say: If you love me, enter me!" - Dr. Alfonso Pacquing

2. "Class, next week na lang yung result sa exam niyo. I am having a hard time checking it. I will seek first the divine guidance on what to do about it. Class, don't worry about your grade. Let me worry about it." - Sir de Jesus (Envi Sci1)

3. (Valentine's day)
"Ano ba yan? Students ba kayo ng U.P.? Bakit ang bababa ng scores niyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong valentines kaya nito kayo. Losers!!! When I was your age I had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP Fair euphoria yung grades niyo? Parang di kayo masaya..." (Tinapon ang quizzes sa sahig)
"I won't record this. Go find a date." (Nag-walkout) - Sir Doliente (BA)

4. Ma'am: Many people believe that we, psychology graduates can read minds...
(silence)
Ma'am: Actually, we can.
Class: Weh...sample.
Ma'am: Right now, you think that I'm bluffing. - Ms. Chei Billedo (Psych)

5. "The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong saysay lahat. Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG! TUBIG!" - Dr. Recio

6. "Oo, nagpapaulan ako ng uno. Bakit? Aanhin ko ba yun? Di naman ako yayaman dun." - Sir Atoy Navarro (histo1)

7. "Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto niyong magka-anak ng asawa niyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa." - Ms. Meggie (Zoo10)

8. "Last sem was the first time that I gave a grade of 5 and it felt GOOD!!" - Prof Goldie (Comm3)

9. "You do not fall in love; you rise in love. That's how you love rationally." - Prof FG David

10. "Don't take the bar and yourselves too seriously. Baka mabalitaan na lang namin na nag-o-oral summation kayo sa Luneta. O lumulutang-lutang sa Pasig River. Enjoy yourselves, relax, and read at least 15 hours a day. Nakakabobo ang sobrang tulog. Mag-relax ka habang nagbabasa. Mag-relax habang nagmememorize."

11. Prof: O, meron na bang nakapunta sa inyo sa (insert XXX place here)?
(Silence)
Prof: (disappointed) Ano?! Puro na lang ba kayo aral? Aral na lang kayo ng aral, ha? Wala na kayong napupuntahan kakaaral niyo!

12. "The more wisdom you obtain, the more you shut your mouth. This is because the more you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know.
The true mark of an idiot is a loud mouth and the true mark of a wise man is humility."
- Paraphrased galing kay PI100. (Best prof sa CAL.)

13. Student: Ma'am pwede po bang next week na kami mag-report?
Ma'am: Alam mo, God is good. And I am God. So yes, pwede next week.

14. "Try everything once except incest." - Sir U Eliserio (CW)

15. "Hoy girls, wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend dito sa UP. Pare-parehas tayong mahirap dito. Kumuha kayo ng mayaman. 80% of the child's intelligence comes from the mother naman eh. Kayo guys, wag kayo kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo ang anak niyo." - Dr. Mendioro

16. "I do not know many. I know enough just to teach my classes." - Dr. David

17. "We do not accept anyone here in class except for those who are members of a certain minority group. For example, gays are part of a minority group. Bakla ka ba? If you admit to this class that you are gay, then I'll admit you." - Prof "Hail to the chair" (haha)

18. (Second to the last meeting) "Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper." - Ms. Vitriolo

19. Language Elective Prof: "ano bang natapos mo? italian 8? Punyetissima! " (sosyal pati mura Italian!)

20. "Marx is more Christian than Christ and Christ is more Marxist than Marx." - Sir Lanuza

21. (Upon finding out that Sir Gerry's brother is actually a CATHOLIC PRIEST.)
Class: Sir, hindi ba nagagalit sa iyo kapatid mo?
Prof: Bakit? Hindi naman niya alam na aethiest ako ah.
- Sir Gerry Lanuza

22. "Experience the world. Mag-drugs kayo! Mag-orgy kayo!" - Sir Gerry Lanuza

23. Sir Lanuza's story on his attempt to restore intellectual conversations:
(Figaro Coffee Shop. A girl is seated alone on a table.)
Sir Gerry: Excuse me, miss, nagbabasa ka po ba ng Nietzsche? *Points to book he is bringing*
Girl: *Quickly gathers things and leaves.*

24. "I'm gay-- so gay i could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body." - Jean Navera (SPCM1)

25. STUDENT: Sir, pwede po magpa-sit in yung friends ko?
PROF: From what school are they?
STUDENT: St. Scho po.
PROF: "Go ahead. So they'll realize what they're missing. St. Scho, St. Scho... eskwelahan na ba yun sa inyo?!"

26. "Class, kaya mahal ang bayad sa mga professors sa ibang school kasi ang bobobo ng mga estudyante dun. Dyuskoh, I used to teach there... at lumuluha talaga ako ng dugo bago maintindihan ng mga students yung sinasabi ko. Ang mahal nga ng bayad, magkakasakit ka naman sa panga kakaulit ng lessons! Wag na lang! Dito na ko sa UP, at least nagkakaintindihan tayo. Diba?"

27. "Running for summa ka? Mapapagod ka lang."

28. "Domestication of the human male is one of the greatest achievement of the human race." - Dr. David

29. "Do not live long enough to be worthless." - Dr. David

30. "To be born is to die. In between they grow and multiply like flies. 6.2 billion people in the world. Kadiri, ano?" - Dr. David

31. "Religion is a successful economic institution. " - Dr. David

32. "Si Miriam, crush ko 'yun dati. Muntikan na maging kami, kaso nasiraan ng ulo, kaya 'yun, iba ang asawa ko."

33. "Kapatid ng sinungaling ang magnanakaw."
"Ergo, gma's marriage to mike arroyo is null and void ab initio."
- Consti Law Class, 1st sem, AY 2005-06

34. "Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English, so when you're here in class, magsalita kayo ng English! Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako at ako ang teacher!"

35. "Hindi mahirap makakuha ng UNO sa class ko. Yung gumradweyt last year na Magna Cum Laude ng Biochem, uno siya sakin sa Chem 18" - Ma'am Ilao

36. (Student reciting without raising his/her hand)
Prof: "I think this is the first time i have a student w/ tourette in my class..."
Student: *Keeps on reciting*
Prof: "Wow the ejaculatory comments just don't stop!"

37. "Birds of the same feather FLOCK together...don' t forget the L". - SocSci1 Prof

38. "I'll strangle you, strangle you really hard, smack right in your jugular (pause ng mga 5 seconds), you do know where your jugular is?"

39. "Bakit parang napakaligaya ng klase niyo? Maging sad naman kayo, 5 mins." - Math 100 Prof.

40. "Well of course when you sell your soul you have to make an elaborate justification to make yourself feel good." - Sir Walden Bello, Socio 127

41. "Look at me, I'm 433 years old pero ang lakas lakas ko pa. Eh kung walang gulay eh di kakain na lang ako ng damo. Kung wala eh di tubig, kung wala mag-ipon na lang ako ng laway." - Sir Tiamson, Italian 11

42. Prof: "Mr. Gatbunton, why are you late?!"
Student:"Sorry Ma'am, galing pa ako Las Pinas."
Prof: "Ladies, don't marry somebody from Las Pinas because they have bamboo organs!!"
- Prof Soresca Spanish 1

43. "There are only two countries who still use Fahrenheit.. the United States of America and Liberia ... a pathetic country in Africa." - Sir Argete

44. "It's okay to smoke inside my class. As long as you don't breathe it out." - Dr. Obsioma, Biodiversity

45. (No one is reciting)
Prof: "Wag na mahiya, you have nothing to lose but your face.."
- Ma'am Cathy, Geol 11

46. (Habang 2nd exam at malakas ang ulan)
Prof: "Ang lakas ng ulan, ayos yan at least hindi halata pag umiiyak.." - Sir Agapito

47. "When you graduate, then you begin to live." - Dr. Carmen Jimenez, Psych 118

48. (Commenting on a thesis of a senior student)
Prof: "'Yang thesis mo? .. Mamamatay ka!! Mamamatay ka!!"
- Dr. llanes, UPM

49. "Atheist ako, pero pag nasa bahay, nagro rosary kami ng Nanay ko, eh kung magalit sa 'kin yun..." - Socio 11 Prof

50. "Anong molars? You don't say molars because it is an adjective! Do you say beautifuls?"
- Ma'am Ilao, to a student who said "n molars"

51. "Kahit magpakamatay ka pa di mo masasagot yang problem set na yan dahil pang-157 (phy chem II) yan!" - Ibid

52. "Do not memorize! Analyze!"
- Dr. Nic, advising her students never to memorize reaction mechanisms

53. "Kaya nga ideal eh, hindi siya nangyayari sa totoong buhay. Pero an approximation is good enough." - Sir Engle, on ideal and real systems

54. Sabi ng dean who is 80 yrs old: "Class you're laughing now, but I will predecease you all!"

55. (Second day of classes)
Prof: *Kinuha ang box ng colored chalks* Ano ba naman ito...
*Tapos iniitsa sa lamesa yung mga dark colored chalks*
Class: (Tahimik na nagmamasid)
Prof: Class, sulatan niyo ang manufacturer ng chalk na ito, at sabihing tanggalin na ang mga walang kwentang kulay na ito... brown, green, violet. hindi makikita ito sa board. Convince them...
Class: (Tahimik at gulat)
Prof: ...and .25 incentive sa final grade niyo!

56. Terror prof after an exam (last day na din ng class..): "Ok class.. see you next sem!"

57. Class: Sir, sa exams po ba nagbibigay kayo ng partial points?
Prof: Hmm.. if i see partial wisdom

58. "Oh, this is good. It's poetic because it's perfectly stupid."
- Prof. Ricardo de Ungria

59. Prof: Did I remind the class last meeting that we're going to have an exam today?
(dead air)
Prof: Okay, it seems I forgot to remind the class that we're going to have an exam today. I'm giving you 5 minutes then to buy a blue book. We're going to have an exam today."

60. "Today is the first day of the rest of your lives." - GE 1 Prof

61. "When you feel like giving up, just close your eyes and think back to the saddest point in your lives...awwww. .." - GE 1 Prof

62. "What's the color of YOUR daisy?" - Nonoy Tamayo (Geol 1)

63. "Wow. Rape-able."

64. "Stand up Miss ___, so that I might see the contours of your body."

65. Prof: *Looks at girl's long necklace* Are those real?
Girl: That's a question you should never ask a girl!

66."I don't give surprise long exams. All exams are announced.
Halimbawa: Class, mag-eexam tayo, NGAYON NA!"--Ma'am Chei

67. "Try to die! Try to die!" -- Sir Billones to a student palpitating while taking the exam. He claims that after the incident, refreshed na lagi yung estudyante.

68. "Pag nananaba ka sa oras ng exams, ibig sabihin di ka papasa."

69. "Oh the bar isn't scary. It's terrifying. It might even kill you."

70. "Mga engineers? Nako. Bihira pumapasa sa bar."

71. "UP ka nag-undergrad? Bright ka ba?"

72. "Sa mga taga-UP lang ako bilib eh. Pagpasok nila sa lawschool, hindi sila disoriented. Bilib ako sa study habits na meron yang mga batang yan. Some of them look like they eat kamote thrice a day, pero ang utak, di ututin!"

73. One day pumasok ng room si Prof, galit na galit. Hinagis ang bag sa table, nagwawala sa harap ng room dahil hindi daw nasagot ng previous class niya ang question niya. Kaya dapat daw masagot namin. Ang makasagot may plus points. Kapag walang makasagot, lagot kami. Ang tanong: "Class, sinong lalaking artista dun sa TV show na Wonder Years?"--Sir U. Eliserio, Creative Writing

74. "Meanings we find are the meanings we make."

75. "The measure of a man is how many doors he has opened to other people, especially to those he doesn't know."

76. PROF: Nakita niyo na ba ang Hoover dam?
CLASS: (Tahimik)
PROF: Hehehehe, ang yabang ko talaga!

77. "Ateneo is not a university, it's a diploma mill.
Bakit ba nakangiti pa mga estudyante dyan kapag lalabas
sila ng gate nila, hindi ba nila nalalaman ang nami-miss
nila sa edukasyon?"

78. "Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo de Manila
University is not...a university."

79. "What you learn in UP is to go on and never give up.
That if there be one person left standing, let it be me.
Let Ateneo fall first before UP..."--Dr. David

80. "Ateneo? How could you love someone from the Ateneo?"
-- a prof to a student who had a boyfriend from Ateneo

82. "Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan niyo na agad. Walang pupuntahan yan. Hindi kayo magkaka-intindihan. Tapos yung mga anak niyo, magiging bobo. Gusto niyo ba yun?"

83. you can’t always save the world. you have to choose your battles.” - Eric Manalastas, Psych 150

(84-86)Sir tiamson, span 11, summer ‘07.

84. –to a girl na mahina mag-recite.
sir tiamson: lakasan mo. kunwari buhay ka.

85. –to someone late.
sir: bakit san ka ba galing?
boy: quiapo po.
sir: quiapo lang pala e. ako impyerno pa.

86. –to someone na singa ng singa.
sir: ano ba yan? may TROSO ba diyan sa ilong mo?

87. “Hindi ako naniniwala sa tagapaglikha, pero naniniwala ako sa mangagawa” -Anonymous

88. Prof Pepe Miranda asking a girl what the people of Holland are called. girl couldn’t answer and got a tongue lashing from prof miranda, “if you do not know what the people of Holland are called, i suggest that you drop-out of UP. they’re called Dutch!”

89. “Yes, sometimes it’s irritating to see people wasting money on cigarettes when they could have used that 1.25 php to good use. But you also have to understand, these people have been living in poverty their whole lives. They’re losing hope, and if the only glimmer of Hope they can find is on that cigarette box, who are we to take it away from them?” —- Prof. Felipe Miranda

90. “You, you, you! The both of you three!” -Capt Putol, UPLB ROTC

91. “WHO BELONGS TO THAT GADGET???” –nanggagalaiting tanong ng NASC1 lecturer nang may tumunog na cellphone sa klase habang sya ay nagbibigay ng lecture

92. “you are laughing because you are looking at the viewpoint of ignorance.” - history II

93. Prof mayabang on being asked if anybody passed the midterms exam at all: Nobody.
(collective groan from the class)
Prof Mayabang: Sus, don’t worry. You are still young. I still teach this subject next year.

94. “Ateneo is not a university, it’s a diploma mill. Bakit ba nakangiti
pa mga estudyante dyan kapag lalabas sila ng gate nila, hindi ba nila
nalalaman ang nami-miss nila sa edukasyon?”

95. “IE? Di naman engineering yun e”
-Thesis adviser

96. Dr. Recio: What causes asthma?
Classmate (na-overwhelm): Ummm, asthma is caused by… Pollens and dust and–
Dr. Recio: NO! Asthma is genetically predisposed!
After five seconds…
Dr. Recio: What causes asthma?
Same classmate: Ma’am, it’s genetically predisposed.
Dr. Recio: YES! Very good!

97. “We trample on the Constitution on a daily basis.” -Prof. Cuaresma ng NCPAG

98. “It doesn’t want to die. How do you kill this thing?”—Professor trying to switch off his cellphone

99. “If everyone does his best, and Jamby Madrigal stops being a senator, yayaman ang bansa natin.”

100. “Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? E ambaba ng grades n’un e!” –Dr. Melitton Juanico (circa 2nd semester AY 2006-2007).

101. Sir Gerry Lanuza: “Immanuel Kant is an asshole!”

102. “Ms. Beautiful, whenever I see you, angels pale in comparison, so always sit in front, so I’ll forget that I dying of old age - nakakalimutan ko ang pagnanasa sa mga anghel”

103. “What kind of an animal is that?” - Justice Villaruz, Crim 1 class (UP Law), a remark he made when a student made a wrong answer re conviction and reasonable doubt

104. “i bark, but i dont bite”
-dr. tapay. SOC100

105. Prof. Aguilar (Philippine Foreign Policy)
… as a comment to Taiwanese vessels caught by the Philippine Coast Guard
“They fish and fish and bring out our fish!”

106. “Ms. Beautiful, whenever I see you, angels pale in comparison, so always sit in front, so I’ll forget that I dying of old age - nakakalimutan ko ang pagnanasa sa mga anghel”

107. “What kind of an animal is that?” - Justice Villaruz, Crim 1 class (UP Law), a remark he made when a student made a wrong answer re conviction and reasonable doubt

108. “i bark, but i dont bite”
-dr. tapay. SOC100

109. Prof. Aguilar (Philippine Foreign Policy)
… as a comment to Taiwanese vessels caught by the Philippine Coast Guard
“They fish and fish and bring out our fish!”

110. Lastly...sa PHILO: "I THINK THEREFORE I AM FROM UP!"

EXTRA:

UP MNEMONICS

FOR ZODIAC SIGNS:
According (Aries)
To (Taurus)
Gabby (Gemini)
Concepcion (Cancer)
Laging (Leo)
Very (Virgo)
Loving (Libra)
Si (Scorpio)
Sharon (Sagittarius)
Cuneta (Capricorn)
After (Aries)
Performing (Pisces)

FOR BIOLOGY:
THE TWELVE CRANIAL NERVES
Oh
Oh
Oh
To
Touch
And
Feel
A
Girl’s
V________,
So
Heavenly

and it stands for:
CN 1 – Olfactory
CN 2 – Optic
CN 3 – Oculomotor
CN 4 – Trochlear
CN 5 – Trigeminal
CN 6 – Abducens
CN 7 – Facial
CN 8 – Auditory (or acousticovestibular )
CN 9 – Glossopharyngeal
CN 10 – Vagus
CN 11 – Spinal Accessory
CN 12 – Hypoglossal

King
Phillip
Came
Over
For
Good
Sex

FOR:
Kingdom
Phylum
Class
Order
Family
Genus
Species

DNA BASE PAIRINGS:
Call Girl si Techie Agbayani
C-G
T-A

FOR PHYSICS:
NEWTON ‘S SECOND LAW OF MOTION:
a = F/m
or Father over Mother equals Anak!

FORMULA FOR PRESSURE
P = F/a
or Father over Anak equals Pamangkin!

sources:
http://creepygerry.blogspot.com/2008/09/quotable-quotes-of-up-professors.html
http://elprima.multiply.com/journal/item/50/QUOTABLE_QUOTES_FROM_UP_PROFESSORS
VL's note in facebook

Labels: blahblahblah, college, up